Sunday, 17 March 2013

Player Races in Metal & Monsters

The list of playable races will be the same as is standard in D&D, except that all of the races will get a slight makeover to make them more metal. 

Humans are whatever you make of them and admittedly, most humans are not all that impressive, being dirty, diseased peasants or underpaid city folk. But some humans manage to rise above the herd and mark themselves out by their epic, bloody conquests and heroic accomplishments. Driven by an unusually short lifespan, they accomplish as much in a few mere decades as many other races would in the same number of centuries. Humans are marked by a primal urge to expand and conquer. 

Humans can be any player class. Once per day a human character can reroll any fucking roll they want, because they are just that driven. Human characters also receive a free boon decided between the Metal Lord and the players, roughly equivalent to one of those feats in 3/3.5 D&D or the Pathfinder RPG. They get a +2 bonus to any one attribute they goddamn want. 

Half-Elves happen when a human fucks an elf, or vice versa. One could write a lot about their intercultural angst, but instead we will talk about how they are all somehow, oddly, more attractive than either humans or elves on their own and how they can either choose to follow the path of jaded, cynical lords of magic or driven, ambitious motherfuckers on the make. Either way, they will be pretty goddamn metal. 

The thing about Half-Elves is that they are not just pretty, but tend to be natural leaders, having their foot in both cultures, they tend to have a pretty sharp grasp of psychology. They can be any class they please. Half-Elves get a +2 bonus to any efforts to negotiate with or lie to anyone. Like an elf, they can see in twilight conditions, though they cannot detect magical objects with their eyeballs. They get a +2 to any attribute they please. They can choose one of the other racial abilities of an elf. 

Half-Orcs need little explanation but what you need to know is that it is difficult to imagine any creature being more metal than a fucking half-orc. Combining the brutal power of a motherfucking orc with the intelligence and ambition of a human? You might as well tattoo "FUTURE WARLORD" on the forehead of every half-orc, because you know if that fucker survives to adulthood, that is exactly what he or she is going to be. Well not exactly, but they're pretty damn good at it. 

Half-Orcs can be any class, though it's rare to see them be Mages, Monks or Paladins, due ot the uncompromising moral and disciplinary demands of those positions. Half-Orcs get a +2 bonus to Strength and Constitution, but take a -2 penalty to Charisma. They can see in the dark like an orc can, and they gain a +3 bonus against fear and poison, and also the same bonus to try and scare the living shit out of someone. They are straight-up immune to all non-magical diseases and inflict +1 damage when fighting unarmed.

Dwarves need no fucking help but be made metal, because seriously, what is more metal than a fucking Dwarf? Nothing. That's what. The Dwarves have been forced to become so fucking metal, because if they weren't, they'd be extinct, because their mountain homes are perilously close to all sorts of horrible monsters. If you are an adult Dwarf, you are fighting or you are provisioning the troops. Most Dwarves do both. 

Dwarves cannot be Mages or Witches, because they believe arcane magic is fucked and evil, a tool of the demons to warp and destroy mortals. They're so goddamn certain of this that they get a +3 bonus against magic. They're also tough as shit and basically fucking fearless, so they get that same bonus against fear and poison. Dwarves all learn how to use axes and hammers and are universally proficient in them. They can straight-up see in absolute darkness and know exactly how far they are underground and in which direction they are going. They can sense all sorts of shit dealing with stonework and being underground, like unstable architecture, traps, secret doors, etc. They hate all goblinoid and giant-type monsters so fucking much they get a +1 bonus to attack against them. They get a +2 bonus to Constitution and Wisdom, but a -2 to Dexterity. 

Elves are usually thought of as being sort of willowy hippies. Not here. What the Elves are is an immeasurably ancient and arrogant race which once ruled the world and firmly believe they should continue doing so, for everyone else's good. They are skilled in the arts of war and arcane magic and while they can be courtly and refined, they're also dangerous as fuck. Did I mention that they're actually the long-lost vanguard of an alien invasion force from beyond the stars? Yes, elves are aliens, blurring technology and magic together. They do not actually give a flying fuck about nature. They get a +2 bonus to Intelligence and Charisma, but a -2 to Dexterity.

Elves have no love for the natural world and thus cannot be Druids or Rangers. Their minds are conditioned to resist the nasty psionic shit they pull on other races all the goddamn time, and thus they're immune to sleep and charm spells. They are awfully fond of using fancy swords and bows and all Elves are proficient with them. They have a chance of detecting magic by using their ordinary senses, due to their lifelong immersion in it. 

Gnomes are usually the least metal race ever, but let's look at them another way. They're basically fae, which traditionally have nothing to do with metal, but when you think of the fae as capricious bitches who do not give a fuck about mortals, their metal quotient rises dramatically. Gnomes are the most human-like of all fae races. They're even mortal. But for the most part? They do not give a fuck. You see, they don't give a fuck because they have no soul to give a fuck about. They are literally soulless, like all fae. And that is why they are so goddamn scary, even if they're your friend. 

Gnomes cannot be Clerics or Paladins, because they have no fucking souls and the gods abhor that shit. This also makes them totally immune to things like demonic possession, which is a pretty rad upside to being soulless. Gnomes can communicate with all burrowing animals, which seems lame but a lot of burrowing animals are actually scary as fuck. They have the ability to cast minor illusions like all fae beings. They have some ridiculous hate-on for goblins and kobolds and will just up and kill those motherfuckers if they see them. They get a +1 bonus to attack them. Gnomes can straight-up see in the dark and gain a +2 to saving throws against any kind of illusion because they use them all the goddamn time. They get a +2 bonus to Constitution and Intelligence but a -2 to Strength.

Halflings are not fat, content rural folk but have actually spent most of their history as slaves in the countryside and an urban underclass. In the cities, they run awesomely badass mafia organizations. In the countryside, they are guerillas and revolutionaries as often as not. Those hobbit holes? They're tunnels and they can pop up from fucking anywhere to put an arrow in your goddamn eyeball. So yeah. Go ahead and pick on the little dude. Maybe he won't kill you in your sleep. 

Halflings can be any class, but are usually Thieves or Assassins if urban, Rangers or Druids if rural. They are ridiculously good at sneaking around and being silent, so they can kill you without you even knowing they're there. They have incredibly sensitive ears and can see in twilight like it was daylight. Halflings are not only proficient with missile weapons, but all get a +1 bonus to use them. They also have this weird luck thing going on, which gives them a +1 bonus to all saving throws, ever. They get a +2 bonus to Dexterity and Wisdom, but a -2 to Strength.

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